I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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