lets start a swedish sibling band together
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
