Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
