I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
