Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
