We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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