OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
