"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize