I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
