Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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