I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
