There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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