Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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