I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
