im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I want you more than these girls want KFC
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
