he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
