There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
