Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
