i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I want to walk on stilts...naked
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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