the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize