he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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