feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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