I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he puts the penis in happiness.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
