just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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