He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
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