If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize