she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
