she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
