hotel room ftw
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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