I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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