she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize