Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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