i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
