Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
