ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
