she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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