She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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