I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
