Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
