So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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