bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
