i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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