david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
