I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
