matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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