blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
