: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
