hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
