you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
false alarm. still invincible.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
