I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
