rhymes with "ouble enetration"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
