so explain again why im purple
no
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize