boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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