worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When did angry sex become our thing?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
