the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
