My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
