I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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