I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
