i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
