I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
