it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
my poor anus
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
