dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
