i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
