I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
