drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
