I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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