Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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