the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize