Pregnant stripper...not hot.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize