Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
