we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
