He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize